Michael Jackson Hoax Death

Dear Michael,

Aw I remember that song, and I remember the time…..:) when you and your brothers were coming to the east coast for the Victory Tour. Wow…”Can you feel it” oh that song means so much to me, especially now understanding the symbolism of that video. Ok Ok back to the matter at hand. Flash backs….are a mother…..sha'mon

When the tour came town I was just old enough to fall in love, at 9, I was an old soul, still am. You were my first boyfriend, my first love, my first everything…. I remember rushing into my parent's room with my newspaper clipping with an advertisement of your performance dates at Madison Square Garden. Happy, that you were close to me and I would finally see you. Back then we were a poor family that just moved into a bigger apartment in a new town; so to me anything was possible. My dad, patted me on the head and ushered me out the room, the mean ole man wouldn't even entertain the idea. My Dad is great, but that day he was evil as far as I was concerned. He stood their looking at his pretty little girl with her first crush and just shook his head. With tears in my eyes on the verge of hysterics, I ran to the kitchen where my Mom was talking with her friend. And that mean ole lady laughed and said we cant afford it, and Michael is a grown man probably has a girlfriend and 9yr olds wont be at Madison Square no way…. My eyes grew big, like I was in shock at the words she uttered, I mean I was really confused. Grown man? girlfriend? what do you mean Im only 9?

You see…. for me, you were so much more than a crush, I dont believe I have ever used that word. Love is love, and I understood it. In my bedroom I cried myself to tears, what was I going to do? I needed to be with you, I needed to know that you were Ok, I needed to be there for you, I felt you needed me. The thoughts and words jumbled with my tears, I finally passed out. Awoke the next morning numb, my heart in pieces. Like I said you were my first everything, that includes heartbreak. I have never felt such a connection to someone that I hadn't met. Its sad how adults brush children's feelings under the rug. This is how core beliefs are born, you know your heart and your connection to all that is. There are things that you know, and feel, while you cant fully explain, you know its the truth, because its love. Adults have since been disconnected, jaded and they no longer know….With every pat of the head and aw how cute is he or she, such a wonderful imagination, the child looses sight of itself. This is how we develop into not knowing, and the search begins for the thing that has always been there. The grief of loss of self at such a young age, begets so much emotional struggle. 

Sorry Mike I drifted, but there are so many things I wish I could discuss with you. I lost a certain type of love that day. It was pure and the first. My heart was connected as was my soul. I would listen to the Thriller album in my room with the lights out. The energy was something I enjoyed, the nothingness and you. Your voice road the air, the melody picked me up to meet you. The way you looked on the album cover, ever so handsome in that white suit. The animal lover in me was sold when I saw the tiger; then their was bubbles I wanted a chimp too and I later learned you had one; I was like this has to be fate :p The memories all stroll in as I type, so forgive if Im all over the place, but this is pure from the heart. Its quite peaceful writing you, with all the things I felt as a child, young teen young adult and now a woman, I was never able to relate to most. I felt as if those in my peer group and myself, where in different spaces in time. I see and think about the world through differrent eyes and from a different consciousness. So when I become aware of those of like mind and spirit, I am very intrigued.

But yeah back to the cover….everynight you and I had a date. “The lady in my life” was such a beautiful song, very sensual, very gentle. I thought the way you felt about the woman in the song was to be the gauge for all my future relationships (there hasn't been many, Im very deep and complex…lol) The passion “they'll be no darkness tonight…. Oh Michael, lay your body close to mine, I can feel you with my dream…” say what now sha'mon boy…… That song is the BOMB, I mean its the shit today. “You'll keep me warm through the shadows of the night” “I want you to stay with me…” Michael damn….the way you sing, I feel everything that you are feeling. I learned tho, that we could never be. Remember my mom & dad? The mean parents….well they let me know I was a child, they let me know I was just a pre-teen, they let me know I was a young adult and that by this time I was plum crazy to still be hung up.

My heart was broken in '84, yet I still loved you. It had evolved to encompass all that you are. I hoped to be friends with you, pick your brain and learn what exactly it was that made you tick. I love things like that, human nature… its fascinating. I told you I feel you, your music conveys your every emotion perfectly….I feel your sadness too, and my heart breaks a little further. Oh how I have longed for so long to hold you and tell you it will all be ok. They dont understand but I do….. So many more do too. We LOVE YOU.

Old enough to form my own thoughts about the world and the people in it, I began to look closer at you…The intensity in your eyes, its like fire, quite sexy…tehee:) The way you moved and the messages in your songs. Another part of me, loved the song and the words brilliant, metaphysics huh Mike? The more spiritual I became, the more the spell of this world was lifted, the anylitcal eye sharpened, uh the truth…you my friend are at the forefront.

The difference in your appearance, signifying the difference in rank and understanding. I wish I was the one you talked to late at night. I dont sleep much myself, but there is nothing like real talk and finding out about a person to fill the sleepless nights.

June 25th has reaffirmed many things for me, I just hope that you are OK and surrounded by those that know the beauty that you are. Knowing that we create our own realities, I know we will have that late night talk one day.

I'll always be here….

Dee

Thank you for sharing this.  It took a lot of courage.

That`s really wonderful…I love it!!